You're still my favorite melody

My Mom picked up Whisper War by the Cab For me tonight.
When I came home it was waiting for me and I was very happy.
This CD amazes me times ten.
But That's all I want to brush on the subject until the week is over.

School needs to end right now.

If I could gather up the words, I'd put my feelings into words.

I love going to sleep at like 12:30 on weekends and waking up at like 8.
I deffinitely need 8 1/2 hours of sleep to function.
That means I would have to go to sleep at 10 on school nights.
well 9:30 because it takes me a long time to fall asleep.
I don;t like sleeping really.
Its just like..nothingness.
Welll I have maddd homework to do today!
This stupid bio project is driving me crazy I just want it done.
Then maybe after I'll actually read david copperfield?
hahahah. i dont think so.

"shallow is as shallow does"
HAH THATS LIKE A LINE RIGHT OFF SHAANTS LIPS.
it probably really is.
the maine is like an exact copy of cute is what we aim for.
only not as good

So how many of you still actually buy CDs, like I do?
I wanna know.
Everyone steals/downloads music now a days. And truthfully I just don't get it.
I always thought the best part of bands releasing albums was being able to go to your local record store and having the album right there in your hands the day it comes out. All of the work the artist has put into something for the past year or so is all right there. I mean, how amazing is that?
Seriously people, support your favorite record stores. And I don;t mean like, FYE or Borders, I mean rad ones in YOUR town that sells used CDs, local bands' CDs, indie bands Cds, and everything else. They depend on YOU!

"If it's something you love & makes you feel good, why wouldn't you support that?"-- Bryce Avary

I got a lot to say to you.

School went by very fast today; I only had 3 academic classes
Gym these days makes me sweat and lose my breath and thats really not
something I want to do during school hours.

Oh & I wish I could say this.
I really like you. I wonder if you like me, or ever liked me. The way you faintly say your "ARES" like "awes" makes me smile. Sometimes when I see you I get startled but that's only because I don't know what I'm going to say next to get you to keep talking to me. I like when you talk low and close to me. The way you say some things sends a chill down my spine that I never want to go away. I don't even really know that much about you. I wish I did. Sometimes I wish You would come over & take me away; get me out of here.

BUT I'VE GOT HIM WHERE I WANT HIM NOW.

:)!!!!!

I don't know anything.
But goodness gracious I want him.

while I sit here my mind wastes away and my doubts start to gather

So today I realized I really do seriously suck at EVERYTHING.
you can't tell me that I don't.
It's just something I believe.
I really do hate myself I don't care how fucking emo that sounds
I just don't even care.
I suck.
The End.

Today when I realized this I just, I don't know.
I went outside at like sunset
it was raining pretty hard
I went and laid in a field & listened to music and just
let the rain fall on me.

This week was so shitty.

The only person basically who I ever want to hang out with is stevie
we drive around. It's our favorite past time.
Like seriously, I need to get away. I need to leave
I can't stand a whole nother week of not being good enough at all.
for anyone.
fuck.

I'm trying to figure out if my words have any meaning

I realized that I'm SO obsessed with good music that
I don't even want to associate myself with people who
I think listen to "shitty" music.
Haha Isn't that terrible?

Today was alright.
I have so much to do it's making me upset.
I need to get away!


DO YOU WANT TO GET AWAY?!
get in the car, we can leave today.

It's crazy to think that I am the same age as Hayley Williams was when
her band was signed to Fueled By ramen & she started to become known as
the most talented red headed powerhouse in the country.


and now the world.

And its crazy that Julia is the same age as Zac,
& how Zac JUST TURNED 15 when they played their
first warped tour.
Those kids are SO lucky for their talent & just, everything

"I play guitar for 30 minutes a day..for a living..that's awesome" -Josh Farro

theres room for two, six feet under the stars

I'm so tired today!
And cold!
School was very boring and pointless as usual; but oh well.
I mean as much as I tell myself and everyone how much I dislike being at school, I
seriously I am so lucky & blessed to be able to get an education. It really is foolish of me
to not take it seriously but I do well. Not the best I can, but pretty well.
After school I came home and had some delicious apple pie it was great.
I'm usually extremely tired after school so it's hard to
babysit (the most obnoxious kids I have ever known) and do homework and do other things that need to be done and go to the gym. It's like there's not enough time ='(
I guess I should go get some homework done anyway. I have been feeling really really low lately
and I've just been trying to keep smiling but it has been SO hard.
Melissa & Alex are gonna hang out with me Friday night it should be a good time
I love having people to just, be with.

Also, my mom is an amazing person, you should meet her because she is an angel.
I love her & I miss her right now! She's at work though =/
It's okay we text.

I wish I was going to see Boys Like Girls tomorrow! I'll catch them next tour
Which will hopefully & most likely be much smaller than this one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sf7BWvoz2A4

SOME OF US ARE YOUNG

life is great
embrace it
with a big heart.

I strongly dislike wasting time

except i love it.
I need to clean my room and do homework
but i think I'll just curl up on the couch instead
maybe watch say anything or something
and try not to think about
what I've been thinking about
for the past month.

cause we're so scared to find out
what this life's all about
so scared we're going to lose it
not knowing all along
that's exactly what we need.

drop everything and chase your dream.

Life is a one time thing
You can't re-do it
Dreams are too important to not be followed through.
One you have a dream you need to hold onto it with all your might
and chase it as fast as you can,
and when i say "chase" it I don;t mean sit around doing something easy
envying all the people who worked for greatness.


Take me for a drive t night in some random city
Turn good music up real loud and have the windows down,
I'll most likely be in love with you by the end of the night

This blog was a very demanding one.
You Me & Everyone We Know is a good band.

Happy Easter

i like saturdays

and of course bryce avary.


i have to work soon no thanks
but i do like money
money is nice.

I think it's almost time for me to start one of those long lists of my all time favorite songs.
People always ask me what songs i recommend i'm like..idk?


ilovesherwood

i want to save you

My english teacher is REALLY annyoing me.
It's not like grading papers is THAT difficult.
Sure its time consuming but whatever
"I dont wanna grade papers over eater folks i have a life you know"
well thats reallll nice assigning a bunch of sophmores to write a fucking essay
if we dont have lives i dont know who does...
i hate when people do everything to convenience themselves.
Whatever I'm studying for volleyball then going to sleep
melanie needs to shut up and put pants on like right now

I have the best mom.

I love my mom so much.
I'm pretty sure I have the best one in the world
She's not here right now & I miss her
She gets me everything I could ever want
& if she can't get it she tries anyway.
I know all she wants is for me to be happy & I wish I could tell her that
without it being awkward. I owe everything to her & sometimes
i feel like such a bad daughter. I hope she thinks I'm a good one.

i love you, mom. More than anyone on this planet.

I don't feel like doing anything tonight. I'm actually looking forward to going to school
because I like being around people.

I'm 15 for a minute

or, for three more days.

You know what's getting to me?
how everyone always says "life is short"
It makes me really depressed.
Why do we only get 100 years?
When I die, will I want to be dying?
Will I ever be able to accept the fact that a person
comes on this earth for a little while & leaves?
Just like that, gone? This is depressing stuff and I cant even talk
about it because I don;t want anyone else to be sad about it. I wish I could fix this
for me, Everytime I think too much about this I get so scared and sad &
I feel like I'm the only person on this earth and I just have a panic attack.

Listening to the Rocket Summer helps.

I probably would never tell anyone this in person.

she's dying on the dancefloor

julia is seeing my first musical 'hero' that I've ever had right now
when my favorite bands break up I feel like someone died.
this needs to stop.
Its been like a year since theyve been apart,
but i think the early november was my favorite band.
well they obviously were for a few years
but theyre always the ones i never doubted i guess


If I strum chords, would you sing a song with me?
If I leave town would you leave along with me?
We can fly away to outer space
We can find a way to leave this place
We don't need a map and you can throw your phone away
We don't wanna hear the things we know they're gonna say
You don't trust yourself but girl trust in me
Don't look in the mirror the past you don't wanna see
What do you say we leave for California?
If we drive all night we can make it by the morning
And no one has to know if we decide to go
What do you say we leave for California?
If we leave our friends then we can be together
We can leave this town for always sunny weather
I could drive and you could sleep
While the radio collides to the sound of our heartbeats

So Put your heart where your mouth is.

Today is friday! A week till my birthday, not that I'm counting.
What should I do with my last week of being 15?
I really want some girl scout cookies
Peanut butter patty, to be specific.
I have to work most of the weekend so I won't really be on.
But you know maybe i will.
I wish I had a rockstar life.

Sometimes when I watch the "insurance?' video from the higher
i laugh during the bridge when the girls are all up on them
and then one girl grabs face's face kinda
and that other girl is all uo on seth but seth has like the girliest hair and he is not manly at all
so its just awkward and funny i think.

I hate it when people are all like "oh i like music..i like photography..i wonder if monica does?'
If you know anything about me at all its that i live for those things.

I'm gonna get off and read after this.


its a shame, i have the perfect shoulder
for the perfect bag
to hold all sorts of wonderful books,
just so i could brag about my knowledge
and get those intriguing looks.
and if i read more i could probably
muster up some better hooks
but like i said. its a shame.

and I'll borrow words from all my favorite paragraphs.

If you read my blog, would you do me a favor & comment this post?
I just wanna know if I write this only for me.
Because that is kindof nice, too.

happy leap year

Last night i saw sherwood for the 4th time
Theyre the sweetest most fun guys in the world and i love them to death
I love how they light up when they see me & colleen
because we do the same thing when we see them.
i hope that never goes away and i dont think it will.

I am not into this weekend.
lots of work and homework and cleaning and wasting time
nothanks.

I'm feeling a LITTLE better.
All i know is that life goes on.
And no matter how I feel about that, it does.

Guess what. My birthday is coming up (3/14)
Im not having a party or anything
But I wanna hang out with people so, we should.
In case you felt the need to get anything for me, dont
But just in case you are one of those people that never listen:
i enjoi
starbucks
polaroid film
glamour kills, (guys small or medium)
dunkin donuts
Red pomegranate tea, vanilla chai tea
Snapple mango green tea
dunkaroos
Newbury Comics
H&M
Urban Outfitters
American Apparel (medium or small)
any good music at all
The Cheesecake factory
Peanutbutter patty girlscout cookies
carebears*
ice breaker mints
home-made cards
hugs


*which brings me to the point taht i saw an uglydoll at newbury comics and i wanted it. It was so cute & idk. Im not scene like that. I wouldnt take it home and take myspace pictures with it** ahah but i wanted to snuggle with it.

**me: "Omgz I want an uglydoll so i can take it home and take myspace pictures wiith it!%$11"
melissa: "i wanna a life size rubber ducky so i can take it home and sit on it''

WHAT

it's gonna be a hard day.

we are hanging here.

I cant say everything Im feeling because
I dont know who you are.

All I know is that this reminds me of another time.
When I acted all fine but inside i was dying.

i didnt want people think i was odd.
i wanted everyone to think i was happy.

theres a hole.

does it comfort you to think about how wonderful this was

up until now?

i will remember this day.
i will.

i will remember you.

i think we have an emergency.

The first song I heard by paramore was whoa.
The song that made me fall in love with them was brighter.
But I have never really related to any song more than emergency.
out of any song ever, not just by them.
seriously.
Everytime I hear it I can feel it
I can relive it.

I think we have an emergency I think we have an emergency
If you thought I'd leave, then you were wrong
Cause I won't stop holding on
So are you listening? So are you watching me?
If you thought I'd leave, then you were wrong
Cause I won't stop holding on. This is an emergency
So are you listening? And I can't pretend that I don't see this
It's really not your fault That no one cares to talk about it,
Talk about it
Cause I've seen love die Way too many times When it deserved to be alive I've seen you cry Way too many times When you deserve to be alive, alive
So you give up every chance you get Just to feel new again
I think we have an emergency I think we have an emergency
And you do your best to show me love,but you don't know what love is.
So are you listening? So are you watching me? Well I can't pretend that I don't see this It's really not your fault
That no one cares to talk about it ,Talk about it
Cause I've seen love die Way too many times
When it deserved to be alive I've seen you cry Way too many times
When you deserve to be alive, alive
These scars, they will not fade away.

I've got some deep scars from a little black heart that's miles away.

holding onto silly things

I miss summer like I've never missed it before.
I want it.
I need it.

Thought of the day: "Hayley Williams' voice makes grown men cry and boys wish they were grown men" --AP

Fridays are amazing gifts from God.

It's just too much, to never wake up.

i hate when you're thinking about your life
and how fun it is and how good things are going
and then you think about how someday
you're gonna fall asleep and never wake up.
well this just happened to me
I started shaking and crying and i couldnt breathe and
still; i dont know what to do.
I will never ever understand death whatsoever
or even begin to understand it
I hope Jesus loves me like everyone says he does
Please jesus, love me
because i love you.
Im so lonely and scared and now i cant sleep and i just wanna
hug my mom & dad for the whole rest of the time that I'm alive.

I've been waiting all this time to be, something I can't define

I wont regret saying this
this thing that im saying
is it better than
keeping my mouth shut,
that goes without saying.

This weekend has been amazing.
Something happened.

Melissa knew this before I did.
She's the best.

like all the things that are out of place

like my head in outer space.



I have been listening to a lot of bands with female vocalists lately. They appeal to me I guess. haha. No but really. We all know how obsessed I am with Hayley Williams. (and we all know the rest of the world is, too) She is the most amazing voice I have ever heard in my life and I can prove this to anyone if they listen to misery business acoustic the mvi version from Chicago. Seriously listen to it and you will LOVE her if you don;t already.

But coming in a veryyyyy close second (almost uncomparable, actually) is Juliet Simms from Automatic Loveletter. If you want me to prove this as well, listen to wither Unhearted by Automatic Loveletter or Remembering Sunday by All Time Low. Remembering Sunday is the reason I started loving Juliets voice and automatic loveletter. I heard that song and I was like 'who the heck is that at the end of the song?! I HAVE to know. And now I do! And I love her. I'm seeing them for the first time February 23. I'm really excited, it's the first time theyre coming to Boston since I've liked them.

Also, I've been addicted to Tegan and Sara. Theyre voices are so different and I really respect and like it a lot. Theyre songs are really, really good.

so lets recap.

1. Hayley Williams
2. Juliet Simms
3. Tegan & Sara
4. Dia Frampton

listen to them if youre into that sorta thing.

here's also a bunch of male vocalist I think are AMAZING

Bryce Avary(the rocket Summer), Derek Sanders (Mayday parade), Travis Clark (We The Kings) Alex Gaskarth(all Time Low) Alex DeLeon(The Cab) Seth (the Higher) Gabe Saporta (Cobra Starship) Dan Layus (Augustana) Ace Anders (The Early November)

and of course...MARTIN JOHNSON.

i have to do a lot tonight.

i dont like ccd one bit.

I'll just walk back in your head

Happy Thursday.


Things have been so crazy.
With school & work & driver's ed
& shows & my mom & loneliness
The truth is last week I was so depressed.
I have been for a while I guess.
I was just so down about everything
Sometimes I was sad for no reason.
Shows were like my drug. If I couldnt go to one
I would be so upset and have a meltdown.
That isn't normal. That's just not right.
This is the reason I realized I needed to change:

Bryce has been from the bottom of the barrel to
the top of the pile and he is truly my hero. He has worked
SO HARD for everything he's ever wanted and he's battled
so much. And the only things that come out of his mouth
are the most inspirational things I've ever heard. If he's
not the best role model I don't know who is. Next time I see him
I need t0 hug him extra tight. I wish he knew that he's saving me.

Anyway. I'm eating nerds and vitamin water.
What a good dinner.
And I just cannot stop listening to Tegan and Sara.

both boys and girls are sudddenly shaking inside

well. I don't know.
I have like wtk for a long time.
Well a descent length of time.
And theyre realllly who i went for yesterday
even though cobra is so fun & the cab was like, amaazinggggggg
i decided that opening bands make the best new bffs.
Ian from the cab is so sweet haha.
& cash kinda chilled with us for a while but he politely left when
it was getting awkward haha.
Travis Clark. oh my.
Seriously i cant reallyy..form words?
idk i feel like a teeniie ahah.
Im just scared because i dont want what happened to blg to happen to them
but i have had my ups and downs with martin,
but I'll always love that guy.
ps Im marrying drew, and colleen's marrying hunter.
done.
this is so we can be even more related. and have the same last name ahah.
pps the middle east OWNS.

ttfn.

definition: an outburst of uncontrolled emotion

I hate when i feel a certain way towards someone
And I know they don't really feel that way towards me
It makes me feel like a shitty person.
Sorry.


I wish i could tell you
You know when you have the most perfect chocolate chip cookie
in the entire world and its fresh and warm and so great
and you're just like WOW
well that is you.
But you're obviously known around the world
by everyone everyone everyone
And well of course you are.
I mean at least for me,
when i first heard you
you grabbed my soul and ripped it out of me
saying LOOK AT ME
You're the best thing I've ever heard.
Just perfect.
I wish I could tell you that. More impeortantly I wish
Me + a hundred other people could tell you that
at the same time But you would see
that
I
was the one
who
really
meant
it.

So this is the new Year

And I don't feel any different.


I wish I was in Times Square last night.
The streamers. The people. The excitement.
The paramore. The Boys Like Girls.
Streamers always remind me of Bryce.
When all those streamers at his show landed on us I was just so
happy and everyone was happy and its was amazing.
Last night I fell asleep around 5am while i was on the phone with Julia.
she was on the phone with me @ 12ET and 9PT when it was
my new year, and i was on the phone with her when it was
3ET and 12ET for her new year. It was nice.

My New Years Resolution that I told everyone is to go to a bazillion more shows than last year. But really I guess that doesnt matter. I just want to care more about people I guess. Well I do, But I guess I want to show it better? I also wanna start doing well in school. I'm gonna make it like my #1 priority. I'm starting to realize how important it is. And how important it is not to get pregnant lol. Other people's mistakes help me so much to see what I have to do.

I also decided though if Paramore goes on tour over the summer or even warped again Im going to tour with them. And I will end up in Seattle.